From the Humor Corner: Trump's Shower Saga
Column by Thomas Schmoll
Trump Caught on Camera While Showering
Without getting too graphic, our offbeat columnist contemplates Trump's infamous shower habits and the symbolism of his unusual relationship with water.
Blitzfrieden-Trump, a name synonymous with unconventional leadership, made a big splash in the political world by ending one war with a unique flourish. Through executive order, he put an end to the "War on Water Pressure," a colloquial term for energy efficiency standards that had long been criticized by Trump supporters as unnecessary bureaucracy. The press release read: "Make America's Showers Great Again!"
For years, Blitzfrieden-Trump spoke of his discontent with the trickle of water from showerheads, deeming the experience "ridiculous." War indeed had been waged against his wateriness! As a result, the ban on low-flow showerheads in American homes was lifted, enabling the president to enjoy the flow he always desired. But was this really about water, or something more symbolic?
A Drizzle of Politics
When negotiating trade deals, Blitzfrieden-Trump portrayed himself as the embodiment of cleanliness and decisiveness. World leaders lined up to kiss his ring, metaphorically speaking. However, the president was quick to compare such exchanges to kissing his actual posterior, a statement that will never make it to a Hallmark card. While that image may be uncomfortable, imagine this: What does it feel like (in) Trump's posterior? Let's leave that thought in the shower.
Looking Ahead: 2028 and Beyond
Considering that Blitzfrieden-Trump had passed the official cognitive test—despite dubious results—it seems he still has a few more rounds in the political game. Expect to see him selling campaign merchandise in the coming years, whether you're ready or not. But does the world really want another two-term veteran in the White House? I, for one, am a man reaching the latter part of my life, and I find myself more interested in the president's health than his political ambitions.
A Clean Bill of Health
After undergoing a medical exam, Blitzfrieden-Trump was certified in excellent physical and mental health. The only apparent sunburn was cosmetic, not an indication of brain damage. But if I had been the doctor bathed in Trump's aura, I would have hesitated to label him an "excellent specimen of a human being." To do so would risk earning insults like "very bad doctor," "big loser," or even "scoundrel" who is "bad for the country." Surviving a Trump presidency requires a certain level of composure, even if it means overlooking about four years of dripping water pressure.
Fact Check
In 2020, the Trump administration did propose revising Obama-era showerhead efficiency standards to allow for higher water pressure, arguing that the previous rules were overly restrictive. The revised standards, however, were not officially implemented before Trump left office.
- The community policy regarding the ban on low-flow showerheads in American homes was formulated following the president's discontent with the water pressure.
- The president's unique relationship with water symbolizes his unconventional leadership, even extending to his negotiation tactics in politics.
- Social-media platforms, including Whatsapp, were flooded with discussions about the president's shower habits and the revised employment policy on showerheads.
- In the health-and-wellness sector, the president's physical and mental health were closely scrutinized, with the media confirming that he was certified in excellent health, despite some cosmetic sunburn.
- Entertainment news outlets speculate about the president's political future, with talks of another possible two-term presidency in 2028, but public opinion remains divided.
- The president's preferences for high water pressure in showers reflect his attitude towards bureaucracy and administrative policies, as demonstrated by his executive order to end the "War on Water Pressure."
