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Struggles Persist as Memories Wane: Friendship's Endurance in Dementia

Maintaining friendships with individuals dealing with dementia can be achieved by shifting the focus towards the present moments, rather than dwelling on past memories.

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3 min read
Strategies to preserve friendships despite a person's dementia, emphasizing the importance of...
Strategies to preserve friendships despite a person's dementia, emphasizing the importance of living in the moment, rather than dwelling on past memories.

Struggles Persist as Memories Wane: Friendship's Endurance in Dementia

Navigating the world with dementia is a reality for many individuals, with approximated 55 million people worldwide grappling with this condition. Dementia is the daily struggle of millions, and Alzheimer's, one of its forms, ranks as the sixth-leading cause of death in the U.S. So, whether it's your grandparent, a friend's relative, or your neighbor, the issue remains the same: Since there's no cure, what can we do to help people with dementia live their best lives?

Just like with my grandma, the change came slowly. Once a meticulous woman, she let her apartment become a mess. She missed her weekly hair appointments, a routine she had followed for decades. Misidentifying me during a phone call was another sign telling us something was wrong.

I tried to bridge the gap with handwritten letters, filled with memories and photographs to brighten her day. For a while, it seemed to work, but she eventually lost interest.

Maintaining Connections Beyond Memory Loss

Does the loss of memory mean the end of our relationship? It can feel that way sometimes, but experts like Marigrace Becker, M.S.W., from the UW Memory and Brain Wellness Center, disagree. Technology like Skype or FaceTime, along with sending gifts and personal notes, can make a significant difference. However, it can be tough to know how to act when someone doesn't recognize you.

Janelle Taylor, Ph.D., an anthropologist at the University of Washington, foresees an alternative perspective: a shift from a single, identity-defining memory to a network of relationships built on experiences and connections. Rather than letting go, there's potential for maintaining and even strengthening these bonds, Becker adds.

Memory loss can indeed be challenging for both the person with dementia and those around them. It shakes our sense of identity and can lead to feelings of depression and anxiety. However, as Becker emphasizes, social connections are vital in combating these challenging emotions.

Renewing Connections

Revitalizing relationships with people living with dementia calls for adaptability. Becker shares some valuable insights to help you focus on what truly matters—friendly bonds:

  1. Meet Them in Their World: Accept their reality and build on it, much like the improvisational theater principle of "Yes, And" suggests[1].
  2. Respect Their Preferences: Understand what they do and don't want, as they are the experts of their own experiences[1].
  3. ** creatively Communicate**: Experiment with different ways of communicating, as traditional methods may no longer work[1].
  4. Live in the Moment: Embrace the present and focus on sharing experiences, rather than dwelling on the past[1].
  5. Focus on Strengths: Highlight their abilities, rather than their limitations, and encourage participation in activities they enjoy[2].
  6. Introduce Creativity: Engage in creative activities like art, music, or storytelling, which can help stimulate their minds and reinforce their identity[3].
  7. Keep the Purpose in Mind: Strive to maintain enjoyable interactions, even when memories fade[3].
  8. News articles and discussions about dementia, such as Alzheimer's disease and other neurological disorders, often emphasize the importance of maintaining social connections for individuals living with these conditions, like my grandma.
  9. Mental health professionals like Marigrace Becker and Janelle Taylor suggest that technology, like Skype or FaceTime, gifts, personal notes, and creative activities can help people with dementia maintain and strengthen relationships despite memory loss.
  10. Within the health-and-wellness realm, experts advocate for focusing on the present, emphasizing a person's strengths, involving them in enjoyable activities, and using creative methods for communication to renew relationships with those experiencing the effects of dementia or aging-related mental health challenges.
  11. As people age and face the possibility of dementia, it's crucial to remember the value of social connections in the fight against depression, anxiety, and the feeling of lost identity, as highlighted by specialists like Marigrace Becker.

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